First Time Offender
Our story starts in the late 30’s with some really sexy pig farmers slaughtering a very sad little piggy (apparently this pig didn’t have a spider to spin its name in a web and it wasn’t raised with sheepdogs so it’s screwed). They receive a letter from Berlin and a short time later a mysterious stranger, Richard Wirth, shows up to their rural home. He is interested in a Viking runestone upon which their stable is built and has been sent by Hitler to unlock its powers. He also takes an interest in the Wollners’ (sexy pig farmers) young daughter and even briefly brings her dead bird back to life.
Flash forward to the present where we meet an EMT named Evan who’s working on some meth head while his crazy ass girlfriend, who is tweaked out of her fucking mind, waves a gun around all willy-nilly like while the cops try to talk her down before their trailer (hey…was this shot in Sun Valley?) explodes.
After that truly traumatic thirty seconds Evan heads home where his abusive, senile father berates and abuses him because his brother is gone (he disappeared on a camping trip – um, they are in some backwoods area, and he's got a really pretty mouth...) and he blames him. Evan takes the abuse before heading outside to a shitty little trailer where he prepares to go to bed only to be interrupted by his nephews demanding he take them trick-or-treating or they blow their house up. Okay, I might have exaggerated that last part.
That night, while in a candy induced coma, Evan is startled awake by his long-lost brother, Victor, who looks like Grizzly Adams and demands that Evan not ask any questions, but that he go and pack two days worth of gear, plenty of guns, and ammo, and that he not tell anyone he’s seen him.
Evan does as he’s ordered while Victor degrizzlifies himself and then they head off – off they gooooo into the wild blue yonder, off they gooooo to their doom, mwahahahaaaa…sorry, got distracted. So, they go on a little day trip to where Victor was being held hostage and do some hostage taking of their own (poetic justice, no?).
Unfortunately, they don’t understand what it is they’re up against and they make shit a hundred times worse when they accidentally free Willy…I mean Wirth, who has been completely transformed into something unrecognizable and is hell bent on transforming himself into Super Wirth by any means necessary which occupies the rest of our time in hostage land.
Evan Marshall: We searched every inch of ground within 10 miles of here.
Victor Marshall: Well, you missed me.
This is one of those movies that requires you to suspend a lot of belief…which I don’t have a problem doing. It’s well directed and well acted, but the premise is a little ridiculous. The Nazi occult thing has been done to death.
My only real complaints about the movie have to do with the special effects (you’ll know which ones I’m talking about if you watch it) and what happens with the dog and the horses. Oh, and the eye gouging…enucleation is my kryptonite. There is no damn reason to go poking people’s eyes out. Other than that it’s a pretty solid effort and if you’re a fan of lots of blood and gore you’ll definitely enjoy it.
The check in the beginning from the "Deutsche Bundesbank" is erroneous. The Reich had no Bundesbank (federal bank), but instead had the Reichsbank. The Bundesbank wasn’t created by the Federal Republic of Germany until after World War II was over.