First Time Offender
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake I would really hope that it’s not in some sleazy ass hotel where the serial killer who just dispatched me from this world is waxing philosophical next to my mutilated corpse. Kthnx.
Now, onto our previously scheduled program. Everyone, meet Summer…Summer has run away from home and is searching for her long lost daddy who abandoned the family many moons before our story starts. Summer is also engaging in an illegal and potentially dangerous activity called hitchhiking (YAY! Let’s hope she dies!! Seriously.) and gets picked up by a fine specimen of a man who knows the rules of the road and tries to get her to return the favor in the form of a little oral copulation. Too bad for him hers is bigger.
After getting where she needs to go and engaging in a little larceny she escapes from the town sheriff with a little help from a hot stranger named Tom who takes her to dinner, takes her home, takes her to bed, and then, with the help of dear old mum, locks her down in the cellar in his garden.
After spending some time in Tom’s garden she discovers that things are more fucked up than they appeared and she’s gonna wish she never ran away from that trailer park.
Cliff: So, uh, why don’t you take care of ol’ Cliff while you’re at it, huh? Rules of the road and all that.
Summer: [reaches into bag and pulls out revolver and aims at Cliff’s crotch] Mine’s bigger, Cliff. [cocks the gun] Now, why don’t you keep your eyes on the road and that little micro dick of yours in your pants?
When Summer tries to escape with Darwin.
This little gem is anything but. Crappy acting, a stupid premise, and hokey dialogue make this a chore to watch. Plus it drags, and drags, and drags. A 91 minute movie felt like it was three times as long. Not to mention it doesn’t really deserve the designation of a horror film, it felt more like a thriller themed soap opera than anything else. And the end was not only ridiculous, but anti-climactic as well. This is definitely a movie I’d recommend skipping.
The concept of a human garden has been done before on film, and much better than attempted in this film. Back in 1980 the cult classic Motel Hell featured a human garden that Farmer Vincent kept and tended to for his own nefarious purposes, so if you want to see what a real human garden looks like, rent Motel Hell.