Friday the 13th (2009)
Second Time Offender
Travis Van Winkle
A group of friends on a camping trip set up their campsite next to some abandoned cabins (clearly they're all idiots). One of the group, Wade, informs them of their proximity to said abandoned cabins and then tells them the story about the Camp Crystal Lake murders and Jason's mother and the group discusses the validity of the stories and likens it to an urban legend (and the boogeyman isn't real...).
The group disbands - Wade goes off in search of a marijuana field, Richie and his girlfriend Amanda have sex, and Whitney and her boyfriend Mike go investigate the abandoned cabins (that was clearly a well thought out decision).
Wade, having just found his pot mecca, has about sixty seconds of stoner joy before he and Jason get up close and personal. Amanda, having sent Richie off to kick Wade's ass because she insists he's watching them, gets intimate with Jason next. Her death is a lot more creative and we're treated to a bimbo trussed up in a sleeping bag roasting over an open campfire while Richie stumbles upon Wade's dead body.
Whitney and Mike are still exploring the creepy ass abandoned cabins and they stumble upon mummified human head in a wall in one of the camp bathroom's and it's here that Mike meets his maker courtesy of Jason.
Whitney takes off (first smart thing she's done since this movie started) and runs back to the camp where Richie has been caught in a bear trap and Amanda is pretty much toast (or would that be roast?). Whitney tries to free Richie from the bear trap, but before she can Jason embeds his machete into Richie's head and Whitney's fate is left hanging in the balance...and all of that happens before the title screen (I was really agitated by this, I must admit. I got all excited because I thought the movie was over, but it wasn't, it was just teasing us.)
Next we meet a new group of friends (who wants to bet $5 bucks they make it through the film unharmed? I'd be happy to take your money) who are going to spend the weekend together at Trent's (this guy is such a douchebag he might actually be a douchelord) family's lake cabin.
While stopped at the little country gas station to stock up on snacks and get some gas Trent and his girlfriend Jenna happen upon Clay who is handing out fliers featuring Whitney who turns out to be his sister.
Trent (it's even kind of a douchey name, just sayin') in a spectacular display of how big of a douchelord he is points out that Clay is holding up the line for paying customers which leads to an awkward exchange between the two.
No punches are thrown, sadly, and Clay and Trent and his buddies go their separate ways. Clay continues to ride around on his bike from place to place in an attempt to find someone who might know where his sister is and Trent and the gang head up to his cabin.
Upon arrival the drunken escapades begin (which are quite enjoyable), Trent tries, not so subtly or skillfully, to get into Jenna's pants, Nolan and Chelsea head down to the lake to take the boat out for a spin, and Clay ends up at Trent's house by chance.
More awkwardness ensues when Trent yells at Jenna for inviting Clay in so Jenna and Clay take off and the movie finally starts to pick up (Praise JEEBUS! Hallelujer!). People die, people get drunk, people get stoned, and people get fucked - some in more ways than one ;) - all leading up to our oh-so-predictable conclusion (and that's not a total dis - most horror movies have predictable conclusions nowadays).
Lawrence: [talking about Bree] Just go over there and fucking talk to her.
Chewie: Are you kidding? I have a better shot at fucking a penguin than that girl.
Chewie: [after breaking Trent's chair] They don't call me the "wood wizard" because I masturbate a lot.
Chewie: [grabs a hockey stick] Hey. Now, this is a real man's sport. You're even curved to the left, like my penis.
Chewie: [hands over hockey stick to Jason] Uh, are you looking for this? Because it, uh, it completes your outfit.
I really tried to pick just one, I really, truly did, but I couldn't.
Any scene with Chewie in it...he's seriously the best thing in this movie.
In all honesty I never intended to see this remake after seeing the travesty that is Rob Zombie's Halloween. I was so pissed off and anti-remake after that that I had no desire to see another one - especially when it was that of a beloved classic. So how Katie and I ended up at the theater on opening night, I'm still not sure, other than maybe because we were bored and it was a Friday the 13th that they were premiering the movie. Damn gimmicks will get you every time...
I didn't go in expecting much, so I wasn't all that disappointed with what I saw, meaning that it wasn't as horrible as I expected it to be, but it didn't blow me away either. The casting was decent with fairly solid performances by everyone, which was more than I can say Zombie's Halloween had going for it. Nor did it suffer from bad dialogue or a cheesy story.
In my opinion, the only downfall the story really had was having the two groups. The first group takes up the first 20-25 minutes of a 97 minute film which is usually the time we would spend getting to know the main cast. Having to go through that twice (especially with two decent sized groups) detracts from the focus of the story and it makes the rest of the film feel rushed.
Despite that, there are two things about this movie I absolutely loved - Chewie (if you hadn't already figured that out) and the portrayal of Jason. It's about fucking time that Jason actually chased someone down instead of slowly stalking after them. I was beyond excited to see him actually full on chase a victim down - it is long overdue!
As remakes go it isn't anything new and it doesn't improve on the original, but it is a solid horror film and a decent enough effort to watch...especially if you've always wanted to see Jason chase someone down.
Including this remake, Jason has killed 167 total people throughout the "Friday the 13th" series.